my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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