I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
