Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
