swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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