So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
