i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
