we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
