he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
