So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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