i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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