We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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