Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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