dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
