good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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