You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
