what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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