If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All the doctor said was why
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
