i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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