FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
