You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
