i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
