it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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