Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
