I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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