i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
