If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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