His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
