She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Welp...herpes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
