At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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