My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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