She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize