There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
