u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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