Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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