If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
