also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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