Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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