Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
