Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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