My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Green mimosas i think yes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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