I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
