Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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