so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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