Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
