he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
