Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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