I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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