I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i have two assholes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
