If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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