Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
