Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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