I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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