Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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