I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
