If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
