My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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