It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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