Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
