Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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