oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.