I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.